Sucking on my big toe again
The other night, I was sitting around Tiki John's bonfire. At a river bonfire, you normally have a few people you know, along with some folks who just happened by and thought it would be fun to tie up their boat and hang out for a while. Such a group it was...we were enjoying the new spring evening, talking, drinking some good beer, catching up on life, and getting to know each other.
Conversation turned to a guy who recently started dating a woman...only she happens to be married AND has another boyfried. The general sentiment was that this guy has lost his mind. Of course, I had to give my spiel about how I don't understand why anyone would ever date (or worse yet, marry) someone who is already committed to someone else. After all, if they're willing to leave someone else for you, doesn't that show that their character is the kind that would in turn leave you if someone new/better/more compatible came along?
Well...the fire died down and people started to leave. As one couple (who seemed very much in to each other) set off down the river in their boat, Tiki John said, "speaking of dating married people..."
Apparently, the guy in this couple had left his wife for the lady he'd been snuggly with all night. Open mouth, insert foot.
I tend to see most issues as either right, wrong, or just plain stupid. This experience reminded me that for any moral question, there's a living, breathing human making a choice. It's easy to look at the consequences of morally questionable actions without looking deeper to what motivates us to do things that we know, deep down, are bad ideas. I'm learning not to pass judgments on issues--affairs, abortions, unemployment, inappropriate lovers, debt, drugs--without trying to understand the real-life people who bear the consequences of choosing, or of not choosing, to participate in these activities. I'm slowly learning the compassionate response--that sometimes choosing the "immoral" option is less painful or harmful than doing what is "right".
Duct tape would definitely keep my mouth from running before my mind catches up. However, it makes you really hard to understand when placing an order at a drive-through window. Instead, I'll work on learning and practicing the art of putting my words through a filter of grace before spilling them out for all the world to hear.
Conversation turned to a guy who recently started dating a woman...only she happens to be married AND has another boyfried. The general sentiment was that this guy has lost his mind. Of course, I had to give my spiel about how I don't understand why anyone would ever date (or worse yet, marry) someone who is already committed to someone else. After all, if they're willing to leave someone else for you, doesn't that show that their character is the kind that would in turn leave you if someone new/better/more compatible came along?
Well...the fire died down and people started to leave. As one couple (who seemed very much in to each other) set off down the river in their boat, Tiki John said, "speaking of dating married people..."
Apparently, the guy in this couple had left his wife for the lady he'd been snuggly with all night. Open mouth, insert foot.
I tend to see most issues as either right, wrong, or just plain stupid. This experience reminded me that for any moral question, there's a living, breathing human making a choice. It's easy to look at the consequences of morally questionable actions without looking deeper to what motivates us to do things that we know, deep down, are bad ideas. I'm learning not to pass judgments on issues--affairs, abortions, unemployment, inappropriate lovers, debt, drugs--without trying to understand the real-life people who bear the consequences of choosing, or of not choosing, to participate in these activities. I'm slowly learning the compassionate response--that sometimes choosing the "immoral" option is less painful or harmful than doing what is "right".
Duct tape would definitely keep my mouth from running before my mind catches up. However, it makes you really hard to understand when placing an order at a drive-through window. Instead, I'll work on learning and practicing the art of putting my words through a filter of grace before spilling them out for all the world to hear.
posted by Sarah Notton | 10:15 PM
2 Comments:
Hey Sarah, Julie's husband, Mike, here. I like your blog. I especially liked this comment of yours:
"I'm learning not to pass judgments on issues--affairs, abortions, unemployment, inappropriate lovers, debt, drugs--without trying to understand the real-life people who bear the consequences of choosing, or of not choosing, to participate in these activities. I'm slowly learning the compassionate response--that sometimes choosing the "immoral" option is less painful or harmful than doing what is "right"."
I'm slowly learning that as well. It's really been eye opening to listen to people's stories and honestly ask myself "What would I do in their shoes?" I can't always say that I'd do any differently, regardless of what the "right" thing to do is. Amazing how the world isn't always so black and white. Sometimes it's in technicolor! :)
And yet, if no one ever blurts out "the emperor has no clothes on" he will continue on in his self delusion and eventually catch his death of cold. Sometimes we DO need to know something is just plain wrong, silly or dangerous - the human mind has a wonderful way of glossing over important details and consequences while we justify something really foolish we are about to do. Thank goodness for people who love us enough to say, "Dude! That's crazy - what are you thinking!"
I sure have benefited from that a time or two.
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