Quick updates that I can't read

A few quick updates about life at Sweethaven:

1. According to The Artist's Way, chapter 4, this is my week to give up reading. I'm feeling very disconnected from the world already, since I usually devote way too much of my free time to reading blogs and news websites. I can't even microwave my lunch in the breakroom at work without being tempted to open the newspaper. Thank goodness I'm off work on the 4th when this week is up and I can get caught up on reading and correspondence.
2. I had the worst dream the other night - the first time in my life I can remember waking up and being horrified by what I am capable of in my thought life. Again, I'm blaming The Artist's Way - the author warned that in allowing your creative spirit to come out and play, you might start to have vivid dreams. However, why in the world I would dream of attempting to hurt a kitten is a complete mystery. (In the end, the kitten did escape with no permanent damage. However, I have a feeling that Laverne and Shirley will never completely trust me again.)
3. Tiki John has brought up the idea of my helping him write his life story. The funny thing about the timing of his request is that last Sunday, I had an inspiration to "write a best-seller". I even went to the closest bookstore to see what kinds of things the publishers are peddling these days (granted, I was in an airport so this wasn't much of an excursion). It looks like people (or at least people in airports) are either reading "vacation fiction", books about the economy, or self-help books. Tiki John has some amazing stories, AND he's got the rhythm of life/being at peace with the world around him thing down better than anyone I've ever met. I can see his biography being a fabulous blend of Jimmy Buffet-esque vacation adventures combined with "here's to the good life" wit and wisdom. He definitely has the stories - the biggest challenge I see with this one will be giving it the appropriate river voice.

This season's theme song

As long as Ryan doesn't get "juniored"* at work on Saturday, we're planning to make a trip to Tulsa this weekend to see Blue October in concert. I'm claiming one of their older songs as my theme song for this season of my life. It seems to really fit, especially as I'm working through The Artist's Way, trying to re-discover lost dreams and re-awaken dormant creativity.

Inner Glow
Like a storm cloud eager just to go wild...calm again?
Ask permission for the wrong to win?
Drop the bomb and get your story out and get it on!
In a haze, at the beginning of your days...
going to fall down,
gotta get back up
but at your own pace.
Got to fill your cup and find the way out of your own maze.
Yeah girl...what you said now!

Hide the rule book, throw it in the waste.
Look strong, like you belong, 'cause you do belong...
Whether right or wrong, you belong.

I'm on your side.
If you fail, at least you tried
to keep your aching, celebrating, wonder-making heart alive.
And pride,
Don't keep it all inside.
Don't keep your aching, celebrating, wonder-making heart alone.
Write your own song.

Whatever happened to our inner glow?
Whatever happened to the song, the soul, the me I used to know?
Whatever happened to my radio?
Whatever happened to that song?

- lyrics by Justin Furstenfeld, Blue October
----------------------------------
* "Juniored" = on a day off work, the person with the least seniority who gets stuck working mandatory overtime if they are short-staffed for any reason. Typically happens when we have planned to do something really cool.

Sucking on my big toe again

The other night, I was sitting around Tiki John's bonfire. At a river bonfire, you normally have a few people you know, along with some folks who just happened by and thought it would be fun to tie up their boat and hang out for a while. Such a group it was...we were enjoying the new spring evening, talking, drinking some good beer, catching up on life, and getting to know each other.

Conversation turned to a guy who recently started dating a woman...only she happens to be married AND has another boyfried. The general sentiment was that this guy has lost his mind. Of course, I had to give my spiel about how I don't understand why anyone would ever date (or worse yet, marry) someone who is already committed to someone else. After all, if they're willing to leave someone else for you, doesn't that show that their character is the kind that would in turn leave you if someone new/better/more compatible came along?

Well...the fire died down and people started to leave. As one couple (who seemed very much in to each other) set off down the river in their boat, Tiki John said, "speaking of dating married people..."

Apparently, the guy in this couple had left his wife for the lady he'd been snuggly with all night. Open mouth, insert foot.

I tend to see most issues as either right, wrong, or just plain stupid. This experience reminded me that for any moral question, there's a living, breathing human making a choice. It's easy to look at the consequences of morally questionable actions without looking deeper to what motivates us to do things that we know, deep down, are bad ideas. I'm learning not to pass judgments on issues--affairs, abortions, unemployment, inappropriate lovers, debt, drugs--without trying to understand the real-life people who bear the consequences of choosing, or of not choosing, to participate in these activities. I'm slowly learning the compassionate response--that sometimes choosing the "immoral" option is less painful or harmful than doing what is "right".

Duct tape would definitely keep my mouth from running before my mind catches up. However, it makes you really hard to understand when placing an order at a drive-through window. Instead, I'll work on learning and practicing the art of putting my words through a filter of grace before spilling them out for all the world to hear.

Getting to know me

I'm new to this blogging thing, so I'm not sure if "About the Authors" are standard in the early posts of a blog. But just in case you're reading and are curious, here's a picture of who I am (painted with wide brushstrokes).

I'm in my early 30s, live in Indianapolis, Indiana, facilitate the Indianapolis Emergent Cohort, work as a technical writer for a software company, and have been fabulously married for 10 years to Ryan, who looks out for "the little man". I have three cats (Laverne, Shirley, and Kitty) who are gracious enough to allow us to leave them alone for extended periods while we travel (we can't wait to get back to Ireland and Africa). I like to read, write, run, eat good food, and drink good, dark beer. I enjoy extended conversations about topics that don't have a "right" answer, films that make you think, and Irish music. I am currently experimenting with life as a redhead. When I grow up, I want to be a bohemian sage/mystic...maybe even "crone", so I can become the stuff of scary legends for the neighborhood kids. I am involved in the Emergent conversation, and post on the Emerging Women's blog from time to time.

I am a Jesus-y person and I'm trying to live my life the way he taught, as best as I can figure out what that means. I grew up in church. My family attended a Baptist church in Crawfordsville, Indiana while I was young (complete with graded choirs, Wednesday-night potlucks, and the entire Bible portrayed through flannel-graph in Sunday School). Through my teenage years, I got to experience the spiritual drama which is Pentecostalism. I attended an Assemblies of God liberal arts college, where I studied English, Bible, and music, and attended a healthy church (though I'm not sure we can ever convince the pastor that it was a really, really good example of how people should relate to each other). Not having married a pastor, and not knowing what kind of job to get with said academic training, I found myself getting a Master's in Writing, focusing on the magic world of technical communications.

After all of this schooling, the husband & I found ourselves in Austin, Texas. We went to a large-ish non-denominational church for a while, at least until they disbanded our healthy, successful home group for not being "evangelistic" enough. Next, due to a lack of choices, we ended up at a Southern Baptist church...at least until they tried to relegate me to children's ministry. (Note to self: If ever in a Baptist church again, use Tech Writing skills to forge documentation that requires me to stay at least 50 yards from anyone under the legal driving age.)

Next adventure: Help plant a church in Round Rock (outside of Austin). Should've been uber-cool, right? Austin, all live music and sincere heathens and even public nude beaches—a spectacular place for church experimentation, yes? Oh, very much NO. Folks who were older and more financially secure than us decided that the area needed yet another Purpose-Driven church for suburbanites that met in an elementary school. Alas, too much attention on production left not enough time to focus on people. RIP, poor little baby church.

And now, we're back home in Indiana, enjoying our Sunday mornings out by our neighbor's Tiki Barge. It's Tiki, it floats on the White River, and it's a neighborhood pub in my back yard.

A dream glows

Sometime, my dream for our community glows like a firefly clasped in my closed hands. If you peek in, you can see the light. But it is nowhere near a city on a hill, or a lamp on a stand, or a lighthouse in the dark.

At 3:46 A.M. the other morning, I awoke to wonder if our community dreams were worth it. An unexpected guest made me realize that the reality that goes along with them will surely impact our sleep, our privacy, our life. The reality will be inconvenient and annoying. My dreams involve sunshine and happy times; arts and crafts and snacks. They don't typically dwell on the real characters who will dance two steps back far more often than they step to the front - an ever backward-winding electric slide.

But if I really believe that "The proclamation of the gospel is the incarnation of our communities", the reality that goes along with my dream should be what I live for - learning to find peace in the areas of discontent, learning to tolerate inconvenient differences of choices and life rhythms, learning to choose to put aside my view of how things ought to be and instead delighting in the moment of how things are.

I wonder - Will it make a difference to those around me if I am present and peaceful? Will it be contagious within the community?